Category Archives for Belles-Lettres
Waiting For Gordo (2005): The Attorney General’s Song
Tweet VLADIMERELY (sings): I’m not the very model of a bold Attorney-General I change opinions vegetable, animal and mineral: I serve the Queen of England and my office is historical But nothing in my view of law is ever categorical. … Continue reading
From “Waiting For Gordo” 2005 – my bleak, existential drama of backbench life in the Labour Party
Tweet LACKEY (Blairlike intonation and pauses): I believe – passionately – that it is important – to greet the world with a celebration that is so bold, so beautiful, so inspiring that it embodies the spirit of the future for … Continue reading
Luke Upward: Atheist Style God
Tweet Within his favourite charity, Thinking Dogs For The Stupid, Luke Upward maintained a special section of Atheist Dogs For The Credulous. These were specially trained to bite Mormon missionaries and all other representatives of religious groups which leech on … Continue reading
Luke Upward on Thatcher (and other politicians he did not believe or serve)
Tweet As Britain’s premier man of letters, Luke Upward was asked, at times begged, to write speeches for its latter-day Prime Ministers. Anthony den was particularly importunate, and his disappointed rage at the youthful Upward’s refusal contributed significantly to … Continue reading
Luke Upward Composes An Honest Company Mission Statement
Tweet Luke Upward detested all company mission statements, put out (in his words) by “Uriah Heep companies trying to pretend they are the Cheeryble Brothers.” He composed spontaneously the following honest mission statement, which no company has yet had the … Continue reading
R v Upward Day 9: Justice And Tears
Tweet The trial of Luke Upward on charges of criminal damage (in defence of the night sky) to a neon sign advertising the Polo Lounge nightclub resumed after proceedings on whether an adjournment granted indefinitely by Cocklecarrot J was void … Continue reading
R v Upward: Day 8 The Surprising Appeal of Hardy Prodnose
Tweet But for the fear of scuffing his faultless brogues, Luke Upward might have kicked himself for his line of questioning of Dr Strabismus (Whom God Hath Preserved In Utrecht) when defending himself against a charge of criminal damage to … Continue reading
R v Upward Day 7: Animal Magic, Mad Science and Class Warfare
Tweet The trial of Luke Upward on charges of criminal damage to a neon sign in defence of his right to starlight proceeded more slowly than Queen Victoria’s funeral cortège, as the plodding Prodnose cross-examined his remaining wearisome witnesses. … Continue reading
The trial of the century resumes: R v Upward Day 6
Tweet The court had little time to subside after the sensational subpoena for Susan Sarandon, as Cocklecarrot J moved rapidly and even ruggedly through the remaining witnesses whom the defence wished to call in the matter of R v Upward … Continue reading
Luke Upward’s Lost Love
Tweet Luke Upward always experienced a special melancholy on Valentine’s Day. This had nothing to do with the strain of composing sentimental declarations for greeting cards (the occupation attributed to him by his jealous rival, Walter Downer.) Quite simply, Valentine’s … Continue reading
