Category Archives for Belles-Lettres

Luke Upward’s Great Lies Of Modern Times (some additions)

Tweet 1) Your call is important to us 2) Easy to assemble 3) Serves 2 4) Fun for all the family 5) You can’t miss it 6) I didn’t get your email for some reason, could you send it again? … Continue reading

29. May 2014 by rkh
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Luke Upward London Library Lion

Tweet Needless to say, Luke Upward was a lion of the London Library. His subscription was paid irregularly and in arrears, but he was never challenged since it was unthinkable that the greatest private lending library in the world should … Continue reading

14. April 2014 by rkh
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Luke Upward’s Legend of Pimlico Part 2

Tweet The story so far: Imperial China in the 1860s. Beautiful, gifted peasant girl Pim-Lee-Koh (Little Oyster of the Prairie) is groomed to become the concubine of the Manchu Emperor. Instead, she becomes the lover of the Loyal King, military … Continue reading

23. March 2014 by rkh
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Luke Upward’s Wisden Obituary

Tweet UPWARD, Luke Constant Lee, whose death due to pernicious anomie was announced on 31 June, was once described as the David Gower of English literature, delighting his followers with a stream of effortlessly exquisite aphorisms and apophthegms. He also … Continue reading

22. March 2014 by rkh
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Luke Upward: The Legend Of Pimlico part 1

Tweet As previously noted, Luke Upward was intermittently banned from racecourses and betting shops, when it was discovered that other punters were betting the field against his selections. During one of these periods of relative prosperity, England’s pre-eminent man of … Continue reading

21. March 2014 by rkh
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More of Luke Upward’s Excellent Business Advice

Tweet 1) Be on the alert if you see what might be a Scots, Welsh or Irish name. The Scots, Welsh and Irish, after centuries of subjugation, like to show that they are fully assimilated into British society, and they … Continue reading

07. August 2013 by rkh
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Luke Upward’s Excellent Business Advice

Tweet Luke Upward’s loyal disciple, Ted Level, was touchingly anxious to give England’s premier but indigent man of letters any opportunity to earn easy money. He thought he had found one when he met an American businessman who was complaining … Continue reading

06. August 2013 by rkh
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Luke Upward’s Drinking and Driving Video

Tweet Pursuing his theory that drink-drivers should be made to feel ridiculous, Luke Upward wrote the following video for the Ministry of Transport, suggesting that drink can turn genius into David Brent…. EXT. LORDS CRICKET GROUND. DAY Wide-angle view of … Continue reading

14. July 2013 by rkh
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Luke Upward Confronts Boris Johnson

Tweet Despite the generous terms offered by Juan Fordamoni of T-Wrecks Rentals, Upward spent more and more of his life as a pedestrian. This should have been no hardship, for Upward had eighteenth-century standards of distance, and thought nothing of … Continue reading

03. July 2013 by rkh
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Luke Upward Discovers A Hero Of Agincourt

Tweet Luke Upward could not stand the Prince de Millecrêpes, first husband of the genial Marquise de Tarpaulin, and described him as a bigger bore than the Severn, but he was intrigued by his ancestor, the Sieur de Millecrepes, who … Continue reading

17. June 2013 by rkh
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