A Horse With No Chance (after America)

Hoping that punters worldwide might appreciate this take on the rock classic Horse With No Name by America. Check this brilliant rendition by a self-isolating couple. https://twitter.com/americaband/status/1241782311269457920 Wonderful performance of a horse’s ass, against such daily competition from Donald Trump. Pedant’s note: names of horses in second verse are from the “Fugue For Tinhorns” in Guys And Dolls.

My journey began in the OTB [or betting shop for UK]

I was glad to get out of the rain.

I
saw runners and riders on all kind of screens

And
I thought that my luck might change.

The
first horse I saw was called Paul Revere

But
they told me he didn’t like mud,

Then
I took a shine to one called Valentine

But
some guy said that he was a dud.

So
I put all my money on a horse with no chance,

I
can’t even remember his name:

His
rider felt all kinds of shame

To
be mounted on something so lame.

La
la la-la-la-la

La
la … Lose

La
la la-la-la-la

La la … Lose.

I
was staring hard at the TV screen

As
they opened the starting gate

And
I looked for my horse in the spray of mud

But
it gave me a very long wait.

And
then I got all excited

When
my horse took second place

But
when I tried to collect all my dreams were wrecked

Because
he’d started in the previous race.

I’d
put all my money on a horse with no chance

I
can’t even remember his name

His
rider said that he wasn’t to blame:

He
was mounted on something so lame.

La
la la-la-la-la

La
la … Lose.

La
la la-la-la-la

La
la … Lose.   

Long
slow fade out. Like the horse.

©
new lyrics   Richard Heller

[email protected]


Categories: belles-lettres