Mr Nearly  Words and music by Cal Devane (senior) of Calamity

Cal Devane (senior) is a failed 60s rock musician and a minor character in my novel The Network available on www.epublishingonline.co.uk  These lyrics sum up his career (and they may explain its failure)

I once flew solo across the Atlantic Ocean -

Nearly.

I discovered the long-lost secret of perpetual motion -

Nearly.

I nearly became the first man on the moon,

I nearly played the hero in High Noon,

But in all of my life there could never, never be

Anything worse than that you nearly loved me.

They call me Mr Nearly,

The one who loved you dearly

And told you most sincerely,

And you nearly loved me.

I climbed all alone to the top of Mount Everest -

Nearly.

I scored 300 when I took my intelligence test -

Nearly.

I nearly won the Derby on a veteran horse,

I nearly set the record for completing the course.

But in all of my life there could never, never be

Anything worse than that you nearly loved me.

They call me Mr Nearly,

And all because I merely

Told you I loved you dearly:

And you nearly loved me.

I don’t want you as my friend

And if you can’t really love me

I’d rather my life end.

I don’t want you to like me

And if you can’t really love me

I’d rather you strike me

Dead…

I painted the smile on the Mona Lisa -

Nearly.

I straightened out the leaning Tower of Pisa -

Nearly

I nearly won a boxing match with King Kong

I nearly nearly nearly wrote a number-one song.

But in all of my life there could never, never be

Anything worse than that you nearly loved me.

Even when thousands cheer me,

I see it very clearly

That I’m always Mr Nearly,

And you nearly loved me.