A few weeks ago Tony Blair suggested that he was married to the British people and begged them not to leave him. This gave me a problem, so I wrote the following Agony Auntie letter - and received forthright advice from Caroline at Yahoo
Problem: Should I stay with my husband?
From: "Caroline - Agony Angel" <carolineagonyangel@yahoo.co.uk>
Dear Caroline,
Should I stay with my husband? He has cheated on me and I threatened to leave him, but now he is begging me for another chance.
Tony and I were married eight years ago. He came into my life when I was in an unhappy marriage with Con. He seemed new and different, he promised to make a new home for me and my family and run my business well (it's a long-established firm - imports and exports). I believed him. I threw out Con, and moved in with Tony. Our first few years were all right. I was a little disappointed because Tony was sometimes slow in keeping his promises. He insisted that everything had to be done in a new way at home, but very often I found that nothing much had happened. But I was still happy and when Con asked me to go back to him I sent him away with a flea in his ear.
But not long afterwards things started to go badly wrong between me and Tony. He cheated on me with an American called Georgie. She was crazy and violent. She treated him like dirt and she did not care what she was doing to us and our family. But Tony could not do enough for her. He was always flying off to see her and he would not listen to me - or our neighbours - when we tried to warn him against her.
Three years ago, without even telling me, Tony signed us up for a business venture of Georgie's in the Middle East. I thought this venture was dangerous, even criminal, but Tony insisted. He told me lies about it. He even said that if we did not join in we could lose our home. He spent a lot of money on it - he insisted my son go out there and I have no idea when he is coming back. Meanwhile problems have been piling up at home.
I didn't feel I could go on with Tony and I warned him. But last weekend he begged me to stay. He promised that he would spend more time at home and fix things. But he never said sorry, and he has not even promised to break with Georgie. I don't know whether I can ever believe him again, about anything.
Meanwhile, my ex-husband Con has asked me back again. But he has not changed and I do not want to go back to the past. A nice man called Charlie has asked me out on dates, but I do not know much about him. I rather fancy our Finance Director, Gordon, who has actually done more jobs around our home than Tony! But Gordon cannot seem to take a hint and he simply won't make a move. Tony has threatened to shift him from Finance to Export Manager and send him out on the road, so | may never see him again.
There it is. I don't know what to do. If I stay with Tony, I am afraid he will walk all over me. But there is nobody else on offer. Sometimes I think I would be better off without a man at all!
Yours sincerely,
Britany Jones (Mrs)
Reply-To: "Caroline - Agony Angel" <caroline@agonyangel.co.uk>
To: "Britany Jones" <britanyjones@hotmail.co.uk>
Subject: Re: Problem: Should I stay with my husband?
Date: Sat, 12 Mar 2005 20:44:26 -0000
Hi
I apologise for the delay in replying. I have so many emails to get through and answer them all so it does take time.
Do you wnat to feel used? and walked over? Do you want to feel unloved and undermined and disrespected, because that's how you should be feeling if you let Tony stay in your life.
You have to understand that if you want to be happy you have a choice - stay put or make a change. We all make mistakes and we should always learn from them and give ourselves another chance of something else. We all deserve that, all of us. So make a list of what makes you happy and what you want for your future, what you want from a relationship and who you want. Use that as your blueprint for happiness. Now go out and make it happen.
Caroline