Waiting For Gordo (2005): Prime Minister’s Questions

TONZZO: As I was saying gentlemen, I am here to listen, because it is important that we listen to what is important. And it can get lonely for a man, being right for eleven years, with no one to listen to except the voice in his own head saying “Yes, that’s the right thing to do.” A man can yearn for other voices saying “Yes, that’s the right thing to do.” So, gentlemen, I am here to listen. (Cracks whip again at LACKEY) Stool! (LACKEY sets up stool, TONZZO sits down, LACKEY places basket in front of him) Now, listening position! (Cracks whip. LACKEY falls to knees in prayer, looking up to TONZZO as if he was the Messiah.) Not listening to me, idiot, listening to them! (Cracks whip again. LACKEY picks up notebook from one of the bags and sits upright, preparing to take down every word) Now gentlemen, what would you like to say to me?

VLADIMERELY and ESTRAGONER are tongue-tied. ESTRAGONER tries again to find something in his boot, VLADIMERELY squirms and crosses his legs.

TONZZO: Perhaps you would like to ask me some questions? Go on, feel free. Question time! (cracks whip at LACKEY, who puts down notebook, rummages in bag, hands out papers to VLADIMERELY and ESTRAGONER.) Ask me any of those questions – don’t be afraid.

VLADIMERELY (reads from paper): “When my Right Honourable friend next visits Faillington, which cannot be a minute too soon, will he take time to notice the hearts of Faillington people throbbing with gratitude at the transformation of their lives since this government came to power?”

TONZZO (rises to reply): My honourable friend makes an important point. I hope to visit Faillington very shortly – but I would not want his constituents to suffer from heart attacks. (Jerks LACKEY’s rope, LACKEY laughs hysterically. Others do not join in. TONZZO sits down).

ESTRAGONER (reads from paper): “Will my Right Honourable Friend also take the time to visit Nullwich and observe how his government’s policies have turned it into an earthly paradise?”

TONZZO (rises to reply): My honourable friend makes an important point. I do not know about paradise – but this government has always been on the side of the angels. (Jerks LACKEY’s rope, LACKEY laughs hysterically. Others do not join in. TONZZO sits down.)

TONZZO: Those were tough questions. Well done.

01. June 2013 by rkh
Categories: Belles-Lettres, politics | Tags: , , , | Comments Off on Waiting For Gordo (2005): Prime Minister’s Questions