Waiting For Gordo (2005): The Attorney General’s Song
VLADIMERELY (sings): I’m not the very model of a bold Attorney-General
I change opinions vegetable, animal and mineral:
I serve the Queen of England and my office is historical
But nothing in my view of law is ever categorical.
I thought war might be safer with a second resolution,
But when that failed I promptly gave my PM absolution,
Until the leak I never thought that I would make a lot o’ news
Now why on earth we went to war I simply haven’t got a clue.
CHORUS (off stage) And why on earth we went to war he simply hasn’t got a clue (repeated as in Gilbert and Sullivan. In next verse, curtain slowly opens to reveal original set, the office, with ESTRAGONER in it, staring morosely at his boots)
They did not send for me until the war was very, very close
But then they found my arguments were something less than bellicose.
They sent me to America to listen to a hawk out there
And when that failed they asked me if I’d listen to Lord Falconer.
At last I found a prof to say “This war’s a proper caper”.
And so I put my name on two bare sheets of A4 paper.
On matters international, I may not know a lot o’law,
But I knew what Tonzzo wanted, and that’s why we went and got a war.
CHORUS (off stage) He knew what Tonzzo wanted, and that’s why we went and got a war (repeated)